did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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