i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
being pregnant is like rehab
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
