Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
