Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
