and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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