Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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