my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
