Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
