I have demons in me.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
