I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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