i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
