Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Hippo gnu deer
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
