I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
