Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Randomize
