i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Randomize
