yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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