remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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