He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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