I think i peed on brittanys purse
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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