we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
