fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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