its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
