so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
