I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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