I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
