How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
