Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
