My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
