my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
