how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
