How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
