evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Randomize
