no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
