i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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