That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
