Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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