she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
