"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
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