finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
