when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
