she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
