What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Fuck me I smell like cheese
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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