you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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