Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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