You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
