I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Boobs are out for the taking
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
