so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
