You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
