dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
