I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
