Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
All I want is dick and wine.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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